Big Sis

Big Sis had her 5 year check-up this week. She's healthy and strong, but because her weight fell below her curve from last year (which was at the 3rd percentile - and is now below the charts), the doc suggested a blood draw. She's a whole 29 lbs., and 3 ft. 3 in. tall.

This was the first time one of my children has had blood drawn ... and I wasn't looking forward to it. But you know, I felt a greater connection to the Savior's atonement from this unplanned activity than from any of the planned Easter activities of the week.

She and I walked hand in hand to the outpatient lab at the hospital. Thankfully, Alex had the day off, and so he came to the appointment and then took the two littlest Poes to the car during this part. Also, as a tender mercy, G-Ma and G-Pa were at the same hospital for an appointment at the same time! So, they supported her from two chairs right outside the curtain where the blood was drawn - and they got to hear the whole thing. Here's how it went:

Big Sis smiled and told the registration secretary her name, birthday, father’s name and address.She was poised and cheerful. She accepted the assignment to give blood, and talked with G-Pa and G-Ma while she waited her turn.

After they called her name and closed the curtain, she wasn’t so sure about what she had signed up for. So, to offer her comfort, I had her sit in my lap. I squeezed her tight and unsuccessfully tried to distract her. She screamed. She threw her arm around. She cried, “I’m not ready! Please! Please! I’m not ready yet!”

So, we stopped and said a prayer. In fact, G-Pa and G-Ma were sitting outside the curtain praying for this little girl too.

After the prayer, there was no more avoiding it. She continued to cry, “No! Please! I’m not ready!” But it was time. One phlebotomist held her arm, and one skillfully placed the needle in the vein. They did it as kindly as they could, while I hugged her as tight as I could. Her little cry and scream of pure fear and pain still rings in my ears. It was heart-wrenching - the sound nightmares are made of. I wished I could take the experience from her – or for her – but only she could do it. Tears swelled in my eyes (though I hid them quite well) and G’Ma’s too.

When it was all over, we praised her; she got princess stickers and her pick of a flavored lollipop. They put a cotton ball on her arm to stop the bleeding ... in fact she still wears it with pride - four days later!

Since then, I keep thinking of what Heavenly Father might have felt like when his son had to experience the pain of all the world. He had the power to stop the whole process; just as I could have whisked my girl away from that needle. My little 5-year-old was the most perfect person in that outpatient lab – just as Christ was/is/ever-will-be the most perfect person to live on this earth. Even Christ begged for the burden to be taken from him, if there be some other way … but there wasn’t … just as Avery begged to not have her blood spilt. I’m sure Heavenly Father wished there was another option – I did.

The scriptures tell us that angels were sent to comfort Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, just as Avery’s nurses comforted and held her. Christ’s apostles sat outside the gate, just as G-Pa and G-Ma waited on the other side of the curtain. We all grimaced with pain for her, as she experienced that poke. I’m sure that all the beings in heaven who watched Christ undergo the pains of the atonement felt their hearts break for Him too.

I’m thankful Heavenly Father allowed Christ to endure that pain for us. I’m thankful Christ was willing and did it. I wish he didn’t have to. I wish I could be like him without repentance – but I can’t. To show Them that I am thankful, that I believe and that I love Them with all my heart, I will try to do better. I will try to be better and blossom into my fullest potential.

I'm thankful for my littlest angels who teach me so much about Christ every day.